5 Reasons I Hate Anal Sex

I’m still dodging the “accidental” anal slip

traceybyfire

Sep 17 · 2019

I am not a fan of anal sex. It’s painful, inconvenient, unromantic, and it smells funny.

I am fully aware that many people — many couples — engage in and enjoy anal sex, and I applaud their right to do so. It has never been my intention to cramp someone else’s style.

While I may not be a fan of anal sex, I am a big fan of the right of consenting adults to do whatever it is that they do — but I don’t want to do anal. I’ll leave that to the folks who actually like it. Here are the top five reasons why I am not a fan of anal love.

I want to be on top, but I don’t have a penis. I am a big fan of avoiding things I don’t want to do, and that means not engaging in anal sex — at least not as the recipient. I’d be willing to attempt being the giver, although that would require the use of accouterments since I don’t currently have a penis. Maybe someday.

It doesn’t smell like a bed of roses. I had a friend who described his sex life to me in detail, and he shared the same opinion. As a gay man, he included anal sex in both his casual and his serious relationships, but he once told me he wouldn’t engage in that particular sex act without a properly positioned fan. “It doesn’t smell like a bed of roses,” he explained with a laugh. Now, I know I’m not the only one who feels that way; I have it on good authority that some odor is to be expected when putting that part of the body through that type of vigorous plunging.

Farts, to put it plainly, are a possible and unwelcome side effect of anal sex. My friend told me that the thrusting of his penis in and out of his partner’s anus acted like a plunger of sorts, pushing and pulling air in and out of his body in a way that eventually led to the release of — to quote my friend — farts. He didn’t like it — hence the fan. So, I know I am not alone in my distaste of the malodorous aspect of anal sex.

Anal sex hurts, especially in the first five minutes. Personally, I have found anal sex to be far too painful for me to milk an ounce of pleasure from it. Since I haven’t exactly interviewed everyone who’s had anal sex, I can’t say everyone experiences the same discomfort. I have found the first five minutes to be the worst. After that, the pain subsides from a sharp stab to an aggressive ache. It’s still unpleasant, but it’s almost tolerable.

I’m still dodging the accidental anal slip. I’ve had several female friends who told me they didn’t experience any pain at all during premeditated anal penetration. One described having regular anal sex with her boyfriend as an unsatisfying and humdrum — albeit not painful — experience. Another described her partner’s accidental penetration of her backside as a minor inconvenience. Nothing more. Thus far, I’ve managed to dodge accidental anal penetration, and I’d like to keep it that way.

I cannot give enthusiastic consent when it comes to anal sex. I have been pressured into anal sex on more than one occasion. Although I’ve never “enthusiastically consented” to anal sex, I have endured it after giving various levels of consent ranging from “none” to “lackluster.” It made no difference. I’ve experienced searing pain each and every time I’ve attempted it, and the pain was constant whether I was a willing participant or not.